The Great Gospel of John
Volume 4
Jesus' Precepts and Deeds through His Three Years of Teaching
Jesus near Caesarea Philippi (cont.)
- Chapter 172 -
Gaby admits his ignorance and vanity.
Gaby gets up, bows low and then says with a very unsteady voice, which even made the otherwise very serious Romans smile a little: "O Lord and Master! I never have searched for glory; since this was never my case and therefore I also do not look for glory here and never wanted any glory in my whole life, and because I don't want to look for glory, I rather say nothing and keep quiet! I'm already finished with my speech!"
2
Says involuntary Simon: "O, what is this then? Otherwise you liked to chat a lot, always wanted to be a main speaker and did not really decline some attention?! Strange!"
3
Says Gaby: "What I do, I do, and it does not need to concern you! It is easy to speak among people; but here is God and His angels present, and then no person's voice should become too cheeky, but to keep quiet in all humility! My name is Gaby the quiet one and not Simon the cheeky!"
4
Says Cyrenius smiling: "Aha, hinc iliae lacrimae (Therefore those tears!)! See, see, the young man does not look for glory, however, he seems quite hurt because his companion Simon earned Your, o Lord's, pleasure for the explanation of the High Song! Truly, I do not like this from Gaby at all!"
5
Says even Jarah: "I also don't like this! Since I find a lot of joy, if I notice how the love and mercy of the Lord wondrously begins to reveal itself in someone's soul; but a false cowering of a soul is something offensive. Who is asked by the Lord to speak, but because of a false shyness declines and says that he does not look for any glory, lies to himself and to all the others, and to lie is something very offensive!"
6
Says again Simon: "So get up and justify yourself properly, and give to the Lord an answer to His holy question!"
7
Here Gaby gets up again and asks for excuse, that he opened his mouth in such a silly manner in front of the Lord before. He wants to answer now if it pleases the Lord.
8
Says I: "Now, so speak! Since I did not have taken back My question to you as invalid yet; to the contrary we all still wait for a modest answer from you! Thus, speak, and tell us what you know!"
9
Says Gaby: "Since the question was put to me concerning my love for the High Song of Salomon, despite me not understanding it, I will openly give the reason for such my love, although finally in all honesty I have to admit, that I did not had an actual reason for it, this means, I mean, a good reason, when speaking of a reason; since something stupid and actually bad can never be seen as a valid reason for any behaviour, because something bad is pure sand which never can serve as a solid foundation for a house, spiritually or naturally speaking. Now, what was therefore the actual prime reason for my love about the High Song of Salomon? Nothing else than a secretly large stupidity and vanity only known to me!
10
I wanted to be regarded as a wise and well learned man of the script, not only among my colleagues but also with all the other people, and therefore selected from the whole script precisely that as a hobby, of which I was convinced that from the whole crowd of scribes nobody was understanding it just as myself. But I was very smart and pretended to be clever, serious and wise.
11
When people saw me reading the High Song with a pretended cheerful look, I was often asked if I really understood the inextricable mystic of the Song. My answer was very short: 'Which fool reads continuously what he impossibly could understand?! If I would not understand the mystic of the Song, would I also be the fool to read it, and would the reading touch my heart if I wouldn't understand it just like you?!' They pressurized me, they implored me, yes, I even was threatened that I at least should make my knowledge available to the high-priest. But to no avail; since I knew my way regarding making excuses of all kind, I could not be persuaded to disclose any of my secrets, which was easy to do, since I really didn't have any.
12
Only Simon, as my most intimate friend, knew, but only partially, what it was all about my Salomon-like wisdom. He often approached me and proved it to me, that I with the High Song of Salomon was either fooling myself or for that matter the world. 'Because', he often said to me, 'with your otherwise limited knowledge and experience, will you understand the High Song since you have labouriously memorized it by heart?!' Still, I nevertheless tried to make him believe, by saying to him that I have the highest predilection for those deepest, most unclear and most muddled mysteries and that I imagined something enormously big must ly behind it. He finally believed me; but he was greatly mistaken. Since by myself I was an enemy of Salomon's wisdom, through which he finally became an idolater.
13
Now, I did not wanted to deceive anyone any longer, but I also did not wanted to reveal myself unnecessarily to such an extend, as if I previously only tried to deceived the people, to, openly said, someday become a competent pharisee, what was regarded by me as nothing small, until three days ago when giving us this goal completely; since the more clever and devious a pharisee is, the greater his reputation is with the temple.
14
I actually do not wanted to think about the whole stupidity anymore and wanted to let go of it very quietly; but since I have been asked by You, o Lord, to speak about this, now, I have in all truth spoke about it and everybody now knows how things were standing with me and where I stand now. In this case I was extremely wilful, and there wasn't much what could be done with me; but know I'm in the perfect and best order again, recognize the only true light of all life and will never again try to deceive anybody.
15
But if I have behaved improperly in the presence of the Lord, I first ask You, o Lord and Master, as well as all Your friends, great and small, from the deepest bottom of life, for forgiveness! Since through my first silence I do not wanted to harm anybody, but only to cover my old disgrace a little. But this didn't work in front of Your all-seeing eyes, and therefore I have showed me like I was, and how I am now. And with that I'm completely at the end of my speech and does not know anything further."