The Great Gospel of John
Volume 4
Jesus' Precepts and Deeds through His Three Years of Teaching
Jesus near Caesarea Philippi (cont.)
- Chapter 174 -
Simon's opinions about the Lord.
Says Simon: "O Lord, with that I will be finishing rather quickly and easily! You are the Son out of God in the spirit and are before us God and human at the same time, and out of Yourself You are also the only in heaven as on this earth. In the whole of infinity nobody is equal to You! An angel never submits to the will of a person; but if You give to him only the slightest sign, he fulfills in a nearly inconceivable quickest moment Your will. What You want, happens inevitably; any word spoken by You is already a completed action!
2
Your eye sees in one moment through all spiritual and material creation. The most secret thoughts of angels are as clear to You as if You have thought them Yourself, and what we poor, mortal people might think so deeply in us, You see more clear as we can see this marvellous bright sun. You know about everything what the sea holds secret at its deepest bottom, You know the number of the sand in the sea, those of the stars, and what they contain and carry, and the number of the grass on earth, the herbs, the brushes, the trees and the spirits in the whole, infinitive space is more known to You than the number one to me! If I not only believe this most lifelike, but also most vividly know this, it will not be difficult to say: Lord, this is my most inner opinion about You, as far as I have to get to know You during the past three days! I wouldn't know to say anything else!"
3
Says I: "But including today you are already more than three days with Me! Why do you only speak of three days?"
4
Says Simon: "Lord, why should I be concerned about the three material days?! I only count the three spiritual recognition days; those are firstly the true recognition of matter, secondly the recognition of the being of souls and thirdly the recognition of the pure spiritual. These are the true three days of life, which we are with You!"
5
Says I: "Ah, this is of course something completely different! With that I'm quite content with you; since regarding correspondence you are quite familiar with, - but not completely with the recognition of your inner self! And as such is also the opinion about Me, which you have taken from your innermost; there still sits something of which you have to rid yourself! Indeed, it is only a smallest granule of a temporary doubt about Me, - and see, this granule must be removed from you, otherwise in time it will start to germinate and can grow to a forest full of the darkest doubts in your heart, which would be quite difficult to exterminate! Just look quite deep into your heart, and you will find the evil granule of doubt!"
6
Simon looks a little confused at Me and also at the other people at the table, thinks about himself and says after a while: "Lord, truly, I can search wherever I want, I still find so speak nothing! Since all still so quietly rising doubts about You, are discarded in one moment, and there can be no one left!"
7
Says I: "And still, and still, - just think and you will find it!"
8
Says Simon: "Lord, You make me fear my self! Should I very secretly be a monster? I can do and think whatever I want, I still find not nearly anything, what You, o Lord, want from me. Wherein and in which manner could I still have a doubt or at least a reason for it?"
9
Says I: "But friend Simon, look at Me! Do I really seriously look so penal-greedy and revengeful, that you are afraid to openly confess, what so to speak already lies on your tongue?"
10
Upon these My words Simon got a fright and says: "But Lord! Must also this little thing, which loud expression I regarded as inappropriate, be expressed loudly?
11
Man can think by himself quite a few things; yes, he does not really thinks this by himself purposefully! The thought comes from somewhere breathed into my heart and sometimes stays for a while; finally it is blown away and one nearly does not recall it ever again. And as such also this little my little doubt thought came from somewhere flown into my heart, and I thought it, but discarded it immediately again, because I carry thousands of the heaviest proofs against it in my head and heart. In addition I found the loud mentioning of this thought as somewhat improper. If You, o Lord, insists on it, I'm pleased to speak about it. - Dear, great friends of the Lord, take it, as I already have totally discarded it!
12
However, this is the thought: From the time I'm here, I all the time see the extremely charming and most beautiful maiden at the side of the Lord, and therefore, but truly like by itself, the of course ridiculous thought forced itself upon me, if the Lord could also be sexually in love, at least for as long He walks on this earth in the flesh! But if so, what would happen then to His absolutely pure spirituality? God can purely love all His creatures, - however, if He also in particular could love an exceedingly beautiful girl on this earth in a sexual manner, - to affirm or to deny this was for my intelligence a little difficult, although I called in my soul to myself: 'With You every love can only be in the highest degree pure, also one what we would call among us humans as completely impure!'
13
Lord, there it is, what You wanted from me! But now I'm finished with all granules and germs, and You, o Lord, make from it what You want! Or does Your divine all-seeing eye still sees something else inside me? Should there be something else which I cannot see, then make me mercifully attentive to it, and I will immediately without any fear, come forward with it!"