The Great Gospel of John
Volume 4
Jesus' Precepts and Deeds through His Three Years of Teaching
Jesus near Caesarea Philippi (cont.)
- Chapter 48 -
Zorel's self-realization.
I now give Zinka a sign and he goes immediately to Zorel and says: "Brother, the Lord who is almighty and full of mercy, goodness and love and wisdom, wants it that I should heal you by laying on my life-strength hands. Do not fear anything but trust and become another person, and nothing, whatever you need for your bodily and spiritual true welfare, will be withheld from you! If you want to, and if you trust me, your true friend and brother, then allow me to lay my hands on you!"
2
Says Zorel: "Friend, with those loyal words you can send me to the Tartarus, and I shall go! Therefore, just go ahead and put your hands on me, where and how you ever want, and I will not oppose you!"
3
Says Zinka: "Now then, - sit on this bench and I want the power of God to flow through you!"
4
Says Zorel: "Which God? Probably Zeus, Apollo, Mars, Mercury or Vulcan, Pluto or Neptune? I beg you, just keep Pluto out of the play; because I truly do not want to be penetrated by his hurricane force!"
5
Says Zinka: "Let the gods be, which existed nowhere else than in the imagination of people who were blind for a long period of time! There exists only one true God, and this is the to you unknown God, for whom you heathens also build a temple, but until now has not recognized Him. But now the time has come, that also you will get to know this only true God! And see, by this God's mercy and strength you will be penetrated for your welfare, if I lay my hands on you!"
6
Says Zorel: "Ah, if so, then just go ahead to lay your hands on me in a way which you know best!"
7
Thereupon Zinka puts his hands on Zorel in the previously described manner and Zorel immediately falls into a raptures sleep.
8
After a while of a strong quarter of an hour, Zorel, otherwise fast asleep, starts speaking with strongly closed eyes: "O God, o God, what a wretched and evil person I am, and what honest and sincere person I could have been, if I only wanted it to be; but therein lies the curse of sin, the lie and haughtiness, which are both the actual basic sins, always reproducing anew and increasing like the gras on earth and the sand in the sea!
9
O God! I have so many sins and flaws on my soul, that I can't see my skin because of all the sins; yes, I'm stuck like in a dense smoke and fog because of the force of my countless sins!
10
O God, o God, who will ever be able to free me from my sins?! I am a main thief, I am a liar, and if I lie I keep lying anew, to strengthen the old lie by a new one to, trying to make some truth of it. O, I am a hideous lying dog! Everything I own, I only took possession of by lying and deceit and by secret and open theft!
11
Of course, in my great blindness I regarded everything as no sin, but I also had quite often the opportunity, to be convinced by the truth. But I did not wanted to be convinced! I always used Sparta and Lykurg and despised the wise laws of justice of Rome! Oh, I am too much of a common bad scoundrel!
12
Now, the only thing which comforts me, that I not yet have murdered anyone; but it was close! If my maiden would not have run away before I have returned home, she would have become a sad victim of my devil-bad fury!
13
Oh, I am an execrable monster! I am worse than a bear, worse than a lion, worse than a tiger, worse than a hyena, much worse than a wolf, and much much worse than a wild pig! Since I'm also clever like a fox, and this makes me a true devil in disguise!
14
Oh, I'm very sick in my soul, and you, brother Zinka, will only be able to heal me with a great effort or not at all!
15
It starts to get a little brighter in me, and the thick smoke and the dense fog around me dwindles! See, they are getting thinner, and it appears to me, if I can breath more easily; but in this greater brightness I can really see my true monstrosity, full of all kind of leprosy, full of bulges and disgusting growths! O, o, my figure is a true monster! Where is the doctor who can cure me?! My bad body is healthy though; but I wouldn't mind the bad body, if only my soul would be healthy!
16
O God, if someone could see my soul, he would be horrified regarding its too great ugliness! The brighter it gets around me, the more terrible my soul appears! Brother Zinka, doesn't there exists any means, whereby my soul could become just a little better appearance?!"