The Great Gospel of John
Volume 3
Jesus' Precepts and Deeds through His Three Years of Teaching
Jesus near Caesarea Philippi
- Chapter 218 -
Murel's experiences on his journeys.
While Cyrenius is making such remarks, Murel joins us, greets Me and says, "Lord and Master, before, only two spoke for everyone, it was Stahar and Floran; I was silent, it is true, since I agreed with some things completely - but then there were other things with which I did not agree or see. Stahar has now given me a big insight, and I now see much better than I saw before; but there are nonetheless some things which I still do not see clearly enough! And since I now think quite differently about You than I thought before, I would like to receive some light from You as well.
2
I was a Pharisee, just like my colleagues, it is true, in as far as Pharisanism bore my refined notions and insight, and I know that you are no particular friend of these prophets of the night! But there are also among this class of people some who have not yet quite lost all the better spirit, and I have always counted myself one of them, and under this auspice I then also dared to come to you and to ask you - not as a Pharisee hated by you, but instead only as a very simple person enriched by some experiences - about some things that not only I, but also every man needs to know.
3
But there is now a certain pre-question, and this consists of this: I am a sinful person and you are a saint of God; will you dignify me with a satisfactory answer?"
4
I say, "Whoever recognizes his sins as sins and actually abhors them, loves God above everything else and his neighbors as himself, is no longer a sinner before Me!
5
But to love God above everything means to keep His commandments and not want to live outside the order of God; if this is case for you, then speak, and I will listen to you and answer you!"
6
Murel says, "Then friend, fare you well; for we will have very few words to exchange with one another! What use is it to recognize my sins and to abhor them as much as possible?! One evil hour of temptation comes along and one falls back to the same place a thousand times over where one has fallen a thousand times before!
7
One keeps the commandments of God constantly with a good will; but the deed is often simply too difficult.
8
I also always loved my neighbor, if he was no blackguard or rascal; but if they were the latter, then I obviously did not love him and was certainly not his friend. If they become honest people, then I will also love and respect them again, but otherwise not easily! You now know from my own mouth which spirit's child I am. If you will or can dignify me with an answer, then show me such a thing unashamedly; but if you cannot, just say so, and I will also be satisfied with that!
9
Arrogance and wilfulness are quite foreign to my mind; but in any case there is also no fear in me, because I am no particular friend of any life. So much lies on this life as on the last plank of Noah's ark. The non-existence would be much more preferable to me than this shabby existence!
10
Why did I have to come into being at all and now continue? Have I ever been able to ask a god for a creation and an existence?! I was created without my own will, I now continue to exist without my will and must have all sorts of laws and other adversities placed on me, for which I have nothing but a dubious promise, according to which there should be a less miserable life with an eternal existence after this miserable life. In order to be able to take part in this, I should here defeat this life with all the strong temptations and stand there after the laws purer than the sun at midday, a condition which cannot be fulfilled, except if one had just as divine a nature as you, most respectable friend!
11
But why all of that?! Away with this life; for one needs neither a bad, temporal and even less perhaps in the best case scenario a somewhat better eternal life! The complete nothingness is the truest bliss in itself!
12
Ah, if I had certain prospects of an eternal, perfect life, then things would be quite different! One would know how and why one must do something in this life so that the following eternal life would be all the better equipped with the highest confidence expected; but it is never the case!
13
Wherever one goes, in whichever school one is initiated, everywhere one finds a blind faith in the society of a fully unfounded hope rather than a clear opinion. And so the people have made commandments everywhere for the, let's say, possible realisation out of the hope springing from the faith they have, with which they and their fellow men torture themselves in the often most unbearable way for nothing and again nothing.
14
I travelled over all of Egypt and sought a clear conviction for life on the other side! What did I find after all these tortures of initiation? Nothing - except an artificially created brighter dream, and they taught me how to analyse the dreams and give them a mystical and prophetical interpretation which usually was suitable for all occurrences!
15
If I were a weak-minded dreamer like many others, such things would have a particularly great impression on me and I would believe the foolishness very actively; but as it is, I saw the foundation of all things immediately, despite all the illusions, recognized the deceived in myself and the master of the high school as the trained and willing deceivers who do not believe even a syllable of what they teach the others.
16
These people are still the most intelligent; the others who nonetheless believe something are naturally significantly more foolish and no longer recognize the bright truth which rests on countless identical experiences: "Man, you are living only from today to tomorrow!?
17
I paid the demanded school and initiation fees Korak and left there with the clearest conviction that I had paid the heavy tax in vain - that is in comparison with what I actually wanted to achieve.
18
On my way I found a person who joined my caravan, who had been in Persia and even with the Old Believers (Burmese), about whom he told me miraculous things. We agreed after three days to travel to the famous old believers via Persia. Our journey there, coupled with numerous dangers and obstacles, lasted five whole weeks. There we found a terribly strict-living nation of penitents, who otherwise were very hospitable and really took us in with much love. Certainly I had difficulties with the language; but my leader mastered it, became my interpreter and could put me in contact with the famous old believers, who are supposed to descend directly from Noah. In a short time I had learnt so much of their language that I could talk with these good people. My inquiry was of course above all concerned with finding out what their conviction about the afterlife was.
19
The answer was: only their highest, immortal priest knew this, who could talk to God decently and could see also the other world and everyone who had crossed over. But this priest was never accessible for any mortal! No one was allowed to near his residence, except once a year, but only up to half an hour away from the great cliff on which he showed himself on the Sabbath morning at the rise of the sun to the mortals for a few moments. But they all had to believe and hope, if they keep the martially unbearable laws; but if any of them sinned, he had to do atonement which would make even Satan shiver!
20
Several such atoners were shown to me, the sight of which made me leave my senses! What happens in the schools of Egypt more seemingly - only to awake fear and terror - even worse happens there in naked reality! And why do these people, these most foolish animals, do all this? Simply for the sake of hope of a better future life!
21
They force themselves into a false hope so firmly that they even consider these evil deceptions of their poor souls in the end to be the most undeceiving truth!
22
Unfortunately the priests contribute here everything, because such a deception of the people always gives them a respectable life. The people are foolish in abundance and therefore allow such a deception happen to them. But this has not been the case with me for a long time; I want either certainty or a releasing death!
23
I left the old believers after a torture-filled year and went home with a Persian caravan, that is, to Jerusalem, and soon became a Levite and then a Pharisee (Varizaer = protector, shepherd) in the temple and soon after I came here, where I have now been in the service as a Jewish priest for eleven years.
24
I have certainly not made the people more foolish than they already were, neither through words nor deeds, but I have also not made them any wiser; for I thought to myself: whoever is happy in his foolishness should be left alone! For one gives him nothing better even with the most proven truth! - I have now shown you how I actually think and what my intentions are.
25
If the laws made by man, which are hard to keep, decide about a person whether he is innocent or a criminal, then I am obviously a sinner before your legally purest being and can and may not argue with your holiness.
26
If the law made by man was not before you or before me, but instead man alone, as he is in his nature, then you can just as well argue with me as I with you, despite your divinity, which is actually none of my business! But therefore expect neither thanks from me nor any honor - even if you were Jehovah Himself; for then I am his work and see no reason at all why I should fear you or love you or honor you!
27
Ah, if I had been able to ask you for an existence, then the circumstances would be quite different, even if I were a friend of life; but I have become an enemy of life because I found the poor, honest humanity constantly lingering under the most miserable pressure from all sorts of foolish and empty laws. Only people who understood right from the very beginning how to oppress their fellow man are happy, because they know how to lift themselves above every law.
28
These people pulled the wool over the eyes of their poor fellow men through all sorts of prophesies about the afterlife, so that they themselves could lead a good life here all the more freely. I know these things and know what I have to think and expect from a future afterlife. Therefore I also have no fear - neither of the all-powerful God, nor even less of any great and powerful world ruler.
29
I do not fear God because He must obviously be too wise a being for it to be truly a pleasure to torture a poor worm in the dirt that He, if He was tired of it, could destroy a thousand times over with the slightest breath of His mouth. As a highly wise being God cannot reasonably demand any honor or worship and also no love from me, because, without me asking or demanding it, He brought me into this miserable existence, which teaches me to hope for a happiness in the afterlife through the mouth of domineering and profit-seeking people, and I am supposed to consider this teaching as sheer truth, while thousands upon thousands of experiences on all sides tangibly show me the most complete opposite and the great nature shout loudly out of every grave: Man, your whole life lasts only from today to tomorrow!
30
You can see that there is nothing that can be done for me with the old reputed faith and with its comforting companion of dear hope, nothing at all! Therefore give me the truth that will feel alive in me like this existence of mine and I will be able to do without every faith as well as every empty hope!
31
Wise and powerful man of Jehovah do not give us any long and shiny teeth that afterwards do not get anything to bite! I would not have harried you so much, wise friend, if I had not taken from your previous speech and teaching that the truth lives in you and you are also one who means honesty with the poor humanity.
32
However, should You have a different reason, then leave me with the truth which I have learned hard and bitter through a thousand findings