The Household of God
Rise and spiritual prime of the first world empire Hanoch
- Chapter 75 -
THUARIM'S VISION: HIS LOVE-FIRE-TRIAL
And forthwith the high Abedam summoned Thuarim and told him: "Thuarim, you are called, - more I do not need to tell you; therefore, do My will without fear and timidity; Amen."
And Thuarim hesitatingly stepped up to the high Abedam, thanked Him with all the ardor of his heart and promptly began to relate his vision before Me and all the patriarchs.
But this was Thuarim's vision, according to his own words:
"O You holy Father of us all, Who are full of love and mercy, this was a harsh trial for me, a poor, blind sinner before You, O Jehovah!
"You know how I was faring in these few moments; but the patriarchs do not know, and so I will faithfully relate, according to Your holy will, what, for the duration of these few moments, tortured me so unbearably for such a seemingly long time as to make it appear that all eternities were holding me in their eternal clasp.
"And this was the dreadful state I found myself in: As I secretly pondered, in some vexation, as it were, saying to myself: 'What does this mean, to look within? Does not this sound like sheer nonsense? If You are our Creator, You must surely know for what reason You endowed one with eyes!
"So far everyone has made use of them externally; how am I supposed to suddenly revert them completely - which I find a sheer impossibility and contemplate myself within so as to learn what my body looks like on the inside?'
"Then I actually tried for a while to turn my eyes as far as possible in all directions, so that literally fiery flames were bursting from them like fiery spheres, at which I was mightily frightened. But all this was of no avail; for although I kept my eyes still, I could see only that which is around me.
"Also I kept looking from one to the other of my brothers but was unable to discover anything extraordinary in any of them.
"When I thus could find nothing at all I became doubly angry thinking: This is certainly nothing but a sheer testing of my intellect!
"But I am not so stupid as some may think!
"Therefore, obviously being the more clever one, I give in and leave the others undisturbed to their folly if they rejoice in it; I for one am going to remain in my good old order.
"Let look within whoever will, may and can; I for my part will rather use my eyes for the purpose for which I was endowed with them by the Creator.'
"Thus I shook off my anger and became calm.
"But my presumed peace did not last long; for the ground under my feet soon became loose like light, dry sand or freshly fallen snow, and before I was aware of it I was buried in the bowels of the earth!
"There it was very dark around me, and I had hardly sufficient space around my face to breathe.
"In this greatest calamity I nevertheless thought of You, holy Father, and entreated You for help and salvation.
"However, all my entreaties were lost in the sand spreading out in all directions about me and instead of being rescued I only kept sinking deeper into the bottomless sand of the earth; and when, in total despair, I thus kept sinking, suddenly there was an abominable smell which was worse, indeed inexpressibly worse than any stench on earth ever perceived by my nostrils!
"And behold, here the sand suddenly came to an end. I was glad about it, for I thought: 'Surely this is my rescue.'
"But how inexpressibly and horribly I was mistaken in this my glad expectation!
"For only now did a misery begin which I cannot adequately describe, words failing me.
"So much can I only say that where the sand came to an end I promptly sank into a hot mud which, the deeper I sank, kept growing hotter and more stinking.
O You holy Father! The horrible distress and anguish I was going through when I felt that the sinking did not come to an end, even the mud beginning to change into a glowing red ash which again turned into a white hot chaos (lava; ed.), like the one often gushing forth from burning mountains, - my tongue would find it impossible to describe!
"This glowing liquid mass caused me the most unbearable, burning pain thereby increasing my inexpressible torment infinitely, for this everlasting fire nevertheless failed to consume me, unwilling or unable to destroy a single hair on my head.
"Here I could no longer entreat and pray, - but my whole being was a single curse on everything that was the cause for this most miserable existence.
"But the more incensed I became, the deeper I sank into the increasingly hot sea of fire.
"When it thus kept becoming more and more horrible, I shouted in my terrible, extreme despair:
"God, You terrible, most cruel absurdity! It You do exist somewhere, destroy me; because for this existence I cannot even curse You, let alone thank You!
"O You miserable, most contemptible God! What sort of satisfaction can You derive from the fact that You created me for such torment?'
"And behold, while I was thus calling and shouting horribly, I suddenly perceived a great thunder, and the thunder called out and talked to me:
Miserable, helpless man! Why do you curse Me, your Father?
"Behold, I am now procreating you in the fire of My endless love as a forever immortal being, which shall be completely similar to Me, and lead you by My fatherly hand, so that not even a hair on your head shall be destroyed; I have decreed the whole duration of this your love-fire-trial to be a mere three moments according to earthly reckoning, and already you have uttered the most terrible of all curses against Me! What am I to do with you?'
"And I replied: 'You most holy Father! Destroy me; for now I am no longer worthy of existence, since I have cursed You.'
"And suddenly the fiery sea was turned into a mild light, and out of this light I again perceived words, which were as follows:
"Behold, I, your Father, do not curse and am willing to forget what you did to Me; for what you have just seen was an analogy of your relationship to Me on earth. Do recognize that it is I, your Father, and retreat through all the shifting sands of your life, through the mud of your wisdom and through your evil fire to eternal reality, to the cleansing fire of My fatherly love and, finally, through this to the purest light of eternal life in the love out of Me!
"So return with this awareness to the earth where I am waiting for you! Amen.'
"And suddenly I was back here.
"O You holy Father, I am certainly here, - but how do I stand before You?
"Oh, if only it were possible for You to forgive me my enormous offence against You; then I would gladly endure the greatest torment by fire for a thousand years!
"Oh do forgive, forgive me, the greatest of sinners! - Yet why should I entreat You! I who am no longer worthy of You in eternity!"